haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just found puke in my bra..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
