The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
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Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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