just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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