i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
