to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
