you turned your livingroom into a bong?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
