I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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