My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
