If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
