dude i'm inner monologue high
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
