Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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