You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
