Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We smell like vodka and hangover
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