you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize