I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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