I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
