i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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