oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
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We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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