i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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