I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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