How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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