Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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