he shaved USA in his pubs
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
