I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
