Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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