Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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