I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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