i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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