Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
