Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
