I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
