forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have tasted many bathrooms
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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