When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
