When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
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I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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