i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
