I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
