You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
