roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
