Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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