Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
