they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
