riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
