Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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