Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
