dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
