right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
