Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
