chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
