You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
