Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
