this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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