I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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