he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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