Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
