This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
