Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Can I color on your dick again?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
