I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
