maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
