Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
