My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I use my feet as sexual weapons
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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