Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
