**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
