oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
