I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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