is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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