I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
