after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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