I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
