sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
