When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
