I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
