I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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