I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Even my vagina gasped.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize