Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
