Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
