For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
