Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
