Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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