Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize