rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
