When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
