you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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