TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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